I went to a Halloween party tonight. It was fun but I felt sorta alone.Well what I should say is I felt separate. Like I was in default. Its easy for me to be friendly and throw in just enough funny statements to where I'm not a wallflower but i really just wanted to lay down and sleep. Even so I didn't want to leave , there was food and laughter so it wasn't not fun. It just that I look around and see couples that look each other in the eyes and touch noses, lips, they look open and in love. Then there's me distant, friendly, totally lovable completely closed off Liah.When I look inwardly I don't like what I see, just a dark abyss that swallows any and all emotions, outside the one that I don't want.
That's what I get for going with out my guy then going home and watching a glee show all about breaking up. It funny how i can feel so hallow and so full at the same time . I think the reason I'm being so melodramatic is because things are going my way and I'm not use to living and breathing at the same time. So i cut my own throat just to feel normal again. Which is so very masochistic and probably also the reason why I'm demolishing my relationships one by one. Not just the one between my guy and I ,but between friends and family. It's all so accumulative. Eventually they'll leave and I'll go a create something else ,else where.If you thought I had problems just stayed turn because here's more is an understatement.
No comments:
Post a Comment